| Total Quotes In Database: 429 |
| Quote |
Artist |
Submitted By |
|
"The closer you are to danger, the farther you are from harm." |
Anonymous |
<Lights-Out> |
|
"What did the hannibal do after he dumped his girl friend? He wiped..." |
-NiTrO- |
-NiTrO- |
|
"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best." |
Tim Duncan |
Acer |
|
"You can get the Model-T in any colour so long as it's black." |
Henry Ford |
Atanatar2 |
|
"Bringing reason to an argument on the internet is like bringing a garden hoe to a nuclear holocaust." |
Atanatar |
Atanatar2 |
|
"Is it so wrong to love those that don't believe in love?" |
Zach Doran |
AtomicCow |
|
"No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself." |
Anonymous |
AtomicCow |
|
"I can't see as I am facing your pitiful lies. Don't have the strength to carry your heavy load of life." |
Him |
Attax |
|
"Line up alphabetically by height." |
Bill Peterson - Florida State Football Coach |
blink 182 |
|
"An alliance over an agreement is powerful, yet an alliance over a common enemy is unbreakable." |
BuddyLee |
BuddyLee |
|
"Gaming isn't a hobby, it's a way of life." |
Budmandude |
Budmandude |
|
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." |
Fran Lebowitz |
CagedinSanity |
|
"Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home." |
David Frost |
CagedinSanity |
|
"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything." |
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
CagedinSanity |
|
"Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible." |
Stanislaw Lem |
CagedinSanity |
|
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock." |
Will Rogers |
CagedinSanity |
|
"If a man speaks in the forest, but there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?" |
Anonymous |
CaNaDa~MaN |
|
"Settle down, people. Now I know we're all frightened and horny, but we can't let a bunch of dolphins stop us from living and scoring." |
Mayor Quimby |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"In life, there are three things you can count on: death, taxes, and the accidental wiping of your most important files." |
Anonymous |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Ogres are like onions." "They stink? They make people cry? You leave em in the sun and they get all pruny?" |
Shrek |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"There is a difference in knowing the path and walking the path." |
Morpheus |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Guns don't kill people, I kill people." |
Anonymous |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Why is it called shipment when you go by car, and cargo when you go by ship?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"If #2 pencils are so popular, why is it still #2?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Something that pisses me off: People who point at their wrist when asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy. Where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Something that pisses me off: When people at the movies say 'Did you see that?' No, dicknose, I paid 9 dollars to come and watch the fucking ceiling all night long. What the fuck did you come here for?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Something that pisses me off: When people say life is short. What the fuck? Life is the longest god damn thing anyone ever does. What? Are you gonna do something that's fucking longer than life? Huh?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Something that pisses me off: When people ask me if the bus had come yet. If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here, faggot." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"The bigger they are, the more likely they'll crush you." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Baseball lies! A man with four balls cannot walk!" |
Anonymous |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Man with one chopstick go hungry." |
Ancient Oriental Proverb |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Guns don't kill people. The government does." |
Dale |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Keep your enemies at the end of your arm. Any closer, and they'll rip it off." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Pop music is good. When it's on mute." |
Nairb |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Shit, some idiot put gum in the desk and it's stuck to my CD player... oh wait, that's my gum... . . . Now THAT's Karma!" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Waddayamean I can't have my cake and eat it too? It's my cake, I'll fucking eat it when I want to." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"If I claimed that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"Men are like fish. Neither would get into trouble if they only kept their mouths shut." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." |
William Clayton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you need to try a different position." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"The quickest way to a man's heart is not through the stomach but through his chest, with an axe." |
Canton |
Cantonezeboi |
|
"It's not about winning, it's about not losing." |
CaptainAmerica |
CaptainAmerica |
|
"Sex with cheese is sex with ease!" |
skie000/protrozz |
ChaCroN |
|
"The higher you fly the smaller you appear to those who cannot fly." |
ChaCroN |
ChaCroN |
|
"Hippies make great scapegoats. Bad day at work? Famine? Plague? Cancer? Blame it on hippies." |
ChaCroN |
ChaCroN |
|
"Beat your opponent where he is strongest, and you demoralize him." |
Vince Lombardi |
Chase |
|
"I was robbed by a sweet little lady on a golf cart! I never saw it coming..." |
ChillySword |
ChillySword |
|
"Why are those ants always bragging they can lift thirty-two times their own weight? Big Deal. I can lift thiry two times their own weight too. With one hand." |
Bob Fenster |
Commander |
|
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend." |
Anonymous |
crustysock105 |
|
"No man can be great who thinks pain the greatest evil, nor temperate who considers pleasure the highest god." |
Anonymous |
CuteLil'Zergling |
|
"To err is human. To totally screw up, you need a computer." |
Czaries |
Czaries |
|
"Success has always been a great liar." |
Friedrich Nietzsche |
Czaries |
|
"How do feet smell if they don't have a nose?" |
Ed |
Dark_Archon2002 |
|
Wise man: 'What whould you rather have: wealth, power, or to be truly happy?' Me: 'I'd want power! 'Cause then I could get the money. Then I'd be truly happy.' |
Dark_Being |
Dark_Being |
|
"See, to live is to suffer, but to survive well that's to find meaning in the suffering." |
DMX |
Dark_Being |
|
"You can do anything you set your mind to man." |
Eminem |
Dark_Being |
|
"If anger's a gift, then I guess I've been blessed." |
Linkin Park |
Dark_Being |
|
"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" |
Denis Leary |
Dark_Being |
|
"It doesn't matter if you're old school or not, as long as you're not a newb." |
DarkBeing |
Dark_Being |
|
"If you learn to know your enemies before you hate then, you may learn not to have any enemies." -Mogwat The Mogpie |
Perloo |
deathmeat123 |
|
"I may not agree with what you say, but to your death I will defend your right to say it." |
Voltaire |
Deaths Shadow |
|
"Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just wanna shit on everything." |
Gary Johnston |
Defiant |
|
"He who knows nothing doubts nothing." |
Confusious |
DemonStar |
|
"Hey hey! I'm just trying to get into heaven. I'm not running for Jesus!" |
Homer Simpson |
DemonStar |
|
"If you're the best at something, try trying something else!" |
Anonymous |
DemonStar |
|
"If at first you succeed, try something else." |
DemonStar |
DemonStar |
|
"Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes! Can it dial a phone?" |
Ed |
DemonStar |
|
"I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free, and I won't foreget the men who died and gave that right too me..." |
American People |
DemonStar |
|
"Do as I say, not as I do." |
Anonymous |
DemonStar |
|
"Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physicaly confusing." |
Ed, From Ed Edd 'n Eddy |
DemonStar |
|
"If what goes up must come down, does what goes down must go up?" |
DemonStar |
DemonStar |
|
"...then I hit my head on this branch *CRASH*. No sorry it was this this one! *CRASH* and then I gazed at the stars!" |
Ed, From Ed Edd 'n Eddy |
DemonStar |
|
Eddy: Look at all those animals! Edd: They're filthy! Ed: Yes I am! |
Ed Edd &Eddy from Ed Edd n' Eddy |
DemonStar |
|
Edd: I can't believe what I've done.... I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!! Ed: Oh you should write your name on your underwear, Double-D! *STRECH* See? I'm Ed! |
Ed and Edd From Ed, Edd n' Eddy |
DemonStar |
|
"Please don't say it's pointless.... Even if it's just for a little while.... To sleep at night without fear even just once.... That's something worth fighting for." |
Yuna, From Final Fantasy X |
DemonStar |
|
"If at first you don't succed, then sky diving might not be for you." |
Anonymous |
Denkai |
|
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does Teflon stick to the pan?" |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"War doesn't determine who's right. It determines who's left." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"We don't wish to be everything to everyone, but something to someone." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"I'll listen to logic and reason when it comes out on CD." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"If people talk behind your back, it only means you're two steps ahead!" |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"We're not lost; we're locationally challenged!" |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"I have not yet begun to procrastinate." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
The statement below is true. The statement above is false. |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"Remember that you are special - just like everyone else." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"Take my advice, I don't use it anyway." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?" |
Anonymous |
Denkai |
|
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every second of it." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"A lot of good arguments are ruined by some fool who knows what he is talking about." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"You can weep because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"It hurts like Hell to fall from Heaven." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"If your not different, then your the same as everyone else." |
John Fredrick |
Denkai |
|
"Spending extended periods of time in the presence of girls can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing." |
Ed |
Denkai |
|
"Masturbation is the key cause procreation's not for me!" |
Denkai/Koumori |
Denkai |
|
"You know Piro, I've been thinking." "Aren't there laws against that?" |
Largo/Piro |
Denkai |
|
"The vibrating pipe cleaner sheep of doom!" |
Dom |
Denkai |
|
"Give war a chance!" |
Bumper Sticker |
Denkai |
|
"I saw a porno so bad last night I actually finished it." |
Denkai |
Denkai |
|
"He looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was coming. It was." |
Epitaph in Ohio |
Dragono |
|
"It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all." |
Thackery |
Dragonpuff |
|
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be." |
Socrates |
Edxecutor |
|
"If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?" |
Anonymous |
Edxecutor |
|
"Those who qoute a lot, try to act too wise." |
Anonymous |
Edxecutor |
|
"It is far better to not open your mouth, and to be thought of as a fool, than to open it, and remove all doubt." |
Mark Twain |
Edxecutor |
|
"I don't know what the next World War will be fought with, but the World War after that will be fought with sticks and stones." |
Einstein, Albert |
Edxecutor |
|
"If he is soooooo smart, then why is he dead?" |
Homer Simpson |
Edxecutor |
|
"Igorance is bliss." |
Anonymous |
Edxecutor |
|
"One can always sever the chains of fate that bind him." |
Anonymous |
Edxecutor |
|
"Ultimately, you are the one who is right. You cannot accept another's thought, without having it become yours." |
(Not Paraqouted)- Ed |
Edxecutor |
|
"A weed is no more than a flower in disguise." |
James R. Lowell |
Edxecutor |
|
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." |
Wil. Rogers |
Edxecutor |
|
"Are you going places or just being taken?" |
H F Henrichs |
Edxecutor |
|
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genis has its limits." |
Albert Einstein |
Edxecutor |
|
"I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it." |
Bender |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
"Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing." |
R. Geis |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." |
William Pitt, 1783 |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
printk("Illegal format on cdrom. Pester manufacturer.\n"); |
Linux Kernel Source Code v. 2.2.16 |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
panic("CPU too expensive - making holiday in the ANDES!"); |
Linux Kernel Source Code v. 2.2.16 |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
"I'm not corrupt, I'm morally flexible." |
Unknown |
Evil Dark Archon |
|
"It's very creative of that StarcraftSector of his name." |
Acer |
Exit |
|
"If God didn't want his followers to be fat he would've made gluttony a sin." |
Homer Simpson |
Forsaken |
|
"At the end of it all, everything is just made to be broken." |
Forsaken |
Forsaken |
|
"Where do bad folks go when they die? They don't go to heaven where the angels fly. They go down to the lake of fire and fry. Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July." |
Kurt Cobain |
FrozenFlameFury |
|
"What if the Hokey Pokey really was what it's all about?" |
Anonymous |
GeBbLeS |
|
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed." |
Anonymous |
GeBbLeS |
|
"Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support." |
Anonymous |
GeBbLeS |
|
"I believe, that guns don't kill people, but husbands who come home early do." |
Larry the Cable Guy |
GeBbLeS |
|
"Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept." |
GeBbLeS |
GeBbLeS |
|
Eddie: I see london I see France... Ed: Man Eddie, you have really good eye sight. |
Ed, Edd n Eddie |
GeBbLeS |
|
"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute." |
Anonymous |
GeBbLeS |
|
"I believe the only thing worse than having diarrhea is trying to have it quietly in a public bathroom." |
Jeff Foxworthy |
GeBbLeS |
|
"If you're the best at something, try getting a life." |
GeBbLeS |
GeBbLeS |
|
"What's the differance between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag? One's plastic and harmful to children and the other is just a bag." |
magus |
grond |
|
"Do or do not. There is no try." |
Yoda |
GXStormShadow |
|
"Note to self: You tell yourself too much." |
Hemotep |
Hemotep |
|
"Life's a bitch, so fuck it." |
Anonymous |
Hemotep |
|
"Girls are like rocks. If they're flat, skip em'." |
Anonymous |
HK-112 |
|
"Whatever goal man has reached is due to his originality plus his brutality." |
Adolf Hitler |
Hybrid |
|
"Stand for something or die for nothing." |
Random Convict |
iNFaNTRY |
|
"Find a penny, pick it up, then all day you'll have a penny." |
InFeXiOnEd |
InFeXiOnEd |
|
"Fat chicks are like mopeds - fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see." |
InFeXiOnEd |
InFeXiOnEd |
|
"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn." |
-Anonymous |
jadefire35 |
|
"If God throws lemons at you, throw them back." |
-Anonymous |
jadefire35 |
|
"Bookstores are one of the only pieces of evidence we have left that people are still thinking." |
Jerry Seinfeld |
Janus |
|
"In the words of my generation, UP YOURS!" |
Russel Case |
Jimmy Ate the Wo |
|
"We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise." |
Weird Al |
Jimmy Ate the Wo |
|
"It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight." |
Rocky Quote |
Jimmy Ate the Wo |
|
"This is serious so give me a quarter." |
Josh |
Jo$h |
|
"This the last smile that I fake for the sake of being with you." |
Linkin Park |
Jo$h |
|
"Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind." |
Josh |
Jo$h |
|
"I'm not stupid, I just need extra help." |
Josh |
Jo$h |
|
"I'm getting to use to the lazy side; I must return to the dark side." |
Josh |
Jo$h |
|
"Remember, money buys things." |
Josh |
Jo$h |
|
"Freezing people just does not make me feel giddy like it used to...." |
Lin Kuei SubZero |
Lin Kuei SubZero |
|
"It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant." |
Lord_Protoss_ |
Lord_Protoss_ |
|
"One day I was dangling a string for a cat to play with and I was thinking to myself. 'What a dumb cat. It's been chasing this string for an hour.' Then it hit me. I'd been dangling a string for an hour." |
Some Comedian |
Magus |
|
"If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, riddle 'em with bullets." |
Magus |
Magus |
|
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." |
Martin Luther King jr. |
Magus |
|
"The people that say 'Money is the root of all evil,' just don't have any." |
Anonymous |
MC_Hamster |
|
"I like to think of no00s as deer, only it's open hunting season all year-round to keep the population down." |
MC_Hamster |
MC_Hamster |
|
"We will not waver, we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail." |
George W. Bush |
MC_Hamster |
|
"To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace." |
George Washington |
MC_Hamster |
|
"If violent games make murderers, then perhaps it stands to logic that sports games create sports stars." |
Awesome |
meep_god |
|
"It is better to reign in Hell then serve in Heaven." |
Anonymous |
Myke |
|
"Out of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." |
Anonymous |
Nairb |
|
"A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot." |
Nairby |
Nairb |
|
"Is it the computer's fault for freezing, or our fault for trusting in a worthless machine to begin with?" |
Danielle |
Nairb |
|
"The purpose of an update is: take old bugs out, put new ones in." |
Ninja |
Ninja |
|
"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you're really thinking about a mother." |
jshock221 |
NiTrOcALyPsE |
|
"Any fool who would die for honor is better off dead." |
Anonymous |
Nitrous |
|
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." |
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) |
nomgangsta |
|
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." |
Bernard Berenson (1865 - 1959) |
nomgangsta |
|
"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?" |
Jay Leno |
nomgangsta |
|
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." |
Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962) |
nomgangsta |
|
"There are too many people, and too few human beings." |
Robert Zend |
nomgangsta |
|
"A fat woman is like a scooter -- fun to ride until your friends find out." |
Anonymous |
nosaj |
|
"Light a fire for a cold man and he will be warm. Light a cold man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life." |
Brent Baker |
Ѫì®ß12 |
|
"Would people feel better towards crack if it were called 'crackle'?" |
Anonymous |
PH5CO_SQUIRREL |
|
"Peace doesn't win wars, you know." |
Simon Rogers |
Phil |
|
"If E=mc² then what does F equal?" |
Preator |
Preator |
|
"Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?" |
Protrozz |
Protrozz |
|
"You know your nose runs and your feet smell. Go figure." |
Protrozz |
Protrozz |
|
"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul to believe in government and politics." |
Protrozz |
Protrozz |
|
"If you don't like the way I, get off the sidewalk!" |
www.firehotquotes.com |
proud2batrekkie |
|
"It doesn't mean anything Lisa, it's like 'ramma-lamma-ding-dong', or 'Give peace a chance'!" |
Homer Simpson |
proud2batrekkie |
|
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at the big man crying." |
PY5CHO_SQUIRREL |
PY5CHO_SQUIRREL |
|
"Well dammit, when you fuck life... you leave life fucked up!" |
Ed |
Ragnarok |
|
"Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day." |
Random Tutorial |
RenegadeLeader |
|
"If you can't live large, look big in the coffin." |
Road_Dawg |
Road_Dawg |
|
"Settle down, these cameras spying on our women's dressing rooms, locker rooms, and changing rooms is despicable. I think I speak for all Springfielders saying: 'Where is the sexy footage?'" |
Mayor Quimby |
RPharazon |
|
"If the United States were a 35-year-old man, I think he'd be in a mental institution. Violent tendencies...Medicate heavily." |
Rick Mercer |
RPharazon |
|
"They're out there now, busy bombing for peace. Next I suppose they'll be screwing to get their virginity back." |
Mary Walsh |
RPharazon |
|
"Boys and girls are natural enemies. Like Scots and Englishmen. Or Scots and Welshmen. Or Scots and Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!" |
Groundskeeper Willie |
RPharazon |
|
Maude Flanders: "I don't think we're talking about love here--we're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!" Krusty: "Sex Cauldron!?! I thought they shut that place down!" |
Krusty/Maude |
RPharazon |
|
"C'mon, it's just like making love! Y'know...Left, down...Rotate 62 degrees...Engage rotor..." |
Bender |
RPharazon |
|
"They say madness runs in our family. Some people even call me crazy! And why? Because I dared to dream....of my own race of atomic monsters! Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies!" |
Professor Farnsworth |
RPharazon |
|
"If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!" |
Zapp Brannigan |
RPharazon |
|
Bender: "You know, I was God once." God: "Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died." |
God and Bender |
RPharazon |
|
"If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all." |
God |
RPharazon |
|
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. The Universe is winning." |
Rich Cook |
RPharazon |
|
"If people were ment to swim they would have been born with fins." |
Someone |
S.C.03ASP |
|
"Thank the guy who defeated you in a fight, because he teaches you that you need to be come stronger to overcome." |
Sclerophage Formosus |
sclerophage |
|
"Don't say you're throwing away food, think positively and say you're donating to the homeless." |
SentryIII |
SentryIII |
|
"Running is unnatural except from enemies and to the bathroom." |
Anonymous |
Silver-Saber_13 |
|
"I may not know crap, but I know everthing else." |
Annonymous |
Silver-Saber_13 |
|
"Idle hands are the devil's workshop." |
Anonymous |
SilveRaptor |
|
"Everything is a dream within a deam." |
Edgar Allen Poe |
Smitty |
|
"You control your own destiny, but for how long is up to you." |
Anonymous |
Sonic_Warrior |
|
"Yes, society is tough, rules are gay... But without rules, our country, and nation would fall apart." |
Nairb |
Special One |
|
"Friends come and go; enemies accumulate." |
Anonymous |
Spectre |
|
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being rediculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." |
Spot |
Spot |
|
"The cup is neither half-empty nor half-full, it is merely twice as large as it needs to be." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." |
A. Whitney Brown |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A bad habit is nothing more than a mistake repeated." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?" "Completely pointless." |
Blackadder, Series II |
StarCraftSector |
|
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!" |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss." |
Douglas Adams |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A bird in the hand will probably shit on your wrist." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Doing a thing well is often a waste of time." |
Robert Byrne |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." |
Tommy Cooper |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Living in a vacuum sucks." |
Adrienne E. Gusoff |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." |
Burt Bacharach |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Fear of becoming a has-been keeps some people from becoming anything." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Some people have eyes that see not and ears that hear not, but never tongues that talk not." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Lost time is never found again." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Maybe people should swap problems-- Everyone, it seems, knows how to solve the other guy's." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"You can't turn back the clock--But you can wind it up again." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Talk is cheap, until you talk to a lawyer." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"People who look for the easy way out seem to have trouble finding an exit." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Sanity is a madness put to good uses." |
George Santayana |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I love deadlines. I especially like the wooshing sound they make as they go flying by." |
Douglas Adams |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." |
Woody Allen |
StarCraftSector |
|
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take." |
Adlai Stevenson |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Well done is better than well said." |
Benjamin Franklin |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." |
Sir Winston Churchill |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!" |
Will Rogers |
StarCraftSector |
|
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." |
General Douglas MacArthur |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The truth is more important than the facts." |
Frank Lloyd Wright |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Don't eat the yellow snow." |
Zealot_Death |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Maybe someday I'll be just like you, and step on people like you do." |
Linkin Park |
StarCraftSector |
|
"No wonder nobody comes here-- it's too crowded." |
Yogi Berra |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Do unto others before they do unto you." |
The Great God Om |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Women can fake ogasisms, but men can fake whole relationships." |
Scorpius |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The thrill of individuality is far greater than the comfort of conformity. Be a goldfish in a sea of minnows." |
Duff |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Fighting terrorism is like being a goalkeeper. You can make a hundred brilliant saves but the only shot that people remember is the one that gets past you." |
Paul Wilkinson |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If voting could really change things, it would be illegal." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"People who think they know it all really tick off those of us who do." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away, and you have his shoes." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy any evidence that you tried." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Some people say I'm crazy, but the voices keep telling me that I'm perfectly fine...." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If life gives you crap, make crapenade." |
Jiminy Job |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The gods too are fond of a joke." |
Aristotle |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Pray, n:. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." |
Ambrose Bierce |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The covers of this book are too far apart." |
Ambrose Bierce |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I worship the quicksand he walks in." |
Art Buchwald |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." |
Edmund Burke |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime." |
Honore de Balzac |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." |
Wernher Von Braun |
StarCraftSector |
|
"In the end, everything is a gag." |
Charlie Chaplin |
StarCraftSector |
|
"No sane man will dance." |
Cicero |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." |
Flannery O'Conner |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Mooo." |
Various Cows |
StarCraftSector |
|
"You know, if they hate dyslexics that much, they should form a group D.A.P. - People Against Dyslexia." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function." |
Edward Fitzgerald |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to using Windows NT for mission-critical applications." -- What Yoda *meant* to say |
Devin L. Ganger |
StarCraftSector |
|
"In the beginning, there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light!" and there was light. There was still nothing, you could just see it a whole lot better." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Linux is like a tepee, no Gates, no Windows, and Apache inside." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." |
General Douglas MacArhur |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Last week, I left my two Microsoft Windows XP CD's on my dashboard in plain view. Someone broke into my car and left two more." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." |
General George Patton |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: stuff you pay good money for in later life." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If you notice this notice, you will notice thats this notice is not worth noticing." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love." |
Sigmund Freud |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum." |
Gearge Muncaster |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." |
Richard Bach |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Never sign a valentine with your own name." |
Charles Dickens |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." |
Sir James M. Barrie |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly." |
Simeon Strunsky |
StarCraftSector |
|
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." |
C. A. R. Hoare |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Don't read so far into everything, the world isn't all written by Shakespeare ya know!" |
~*Melissa*~ |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Life's a bitch, then you die." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I live with a cloud of everyone's guilt hovering over my head and it slowly raining upon me; some people just make it rain harder." |
~*Melissa*~ |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Life is like a box of chocolates, because chocolates most resemble crap!" |
~*Melissa*~ |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?" |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Blame Canada, they're not even a real country anyway!" |
South Park |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run, he hates that." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." |
George Carlin |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If it weren't for electricity.... we'd all be watching television by candlelight." |
George Gobol |
StarCraftSector |
|
"There's so much pollution in the air now.. that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." |
Robert Orben |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." |
Adrienne Gusoff |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education." |
Victor Hugo |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of facts." |
Henry Brooks Adams |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The first two years you teach your kids to walk and talk and the next sixteen years you tell them to sit down and shut up." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow." |
Mahatma Gandhi |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Nobody dies a virgin; life fucks everyone." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I'm so unlucky that if I fell into a barrel of nipples, I'd come out sucking my thumb." |
Freddie Starr |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Artificial intelligence beats real stupidity." |
vBulletin |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them." |
Walter Kerr |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." |
Homer Simpson |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets." |
Homer Simpson |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If at first don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything." |
Bill Lyon |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'" |
Jack Handy |
StarCraftSector |
|
"If it ain't dead .. .. then stop poking it." |
xiphoid |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out." |
Rodney Dangerfield |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A 'bajillion' years down the road from now, someone may forget who you are or what you did, but they will never forget what you said." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"You don't give a crap? What the hell? I crap on a daily basis. Maybe you should see the doctor...ya might be constipated." |
Tony Li |
StarCraftSector |
|
"The ignorant mind is too often a fresh face. The ignorant mind is too often--mind--young mind is too often something you can lose." |
George Herbert Walker Bush |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Those who burn bridges to the past must have a plan to get back because there won't be a bridge there anymore to cross." |
~*Melissa*~ |
StarCraftSector |
|
"He is a man who on the one hand is a sinner and on the other hand he's repentant, and on the other hand he's on the attack." |
Suzanne Moore, describing Bill Clinton |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love." |
George Eliot |
StarCraftSector |
|
"He who angers you conquers you." |
Elizabeth Kenny |
StarCraftSector |
|
"When arguing with a stupid person, make sure they are not doing the same." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better." |
A. J. Liebling (1904-1963) |
StarCraftSector |
|
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." |
Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) |
StarCraftSector |
|
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." |
E E Cummings (1894-1962) |
StarCraftSector |
|
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." |
Aristotle |
StarCraftSector |
|
"It is not how you percieve your work, it's how everyone else does." |
Anonymous |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Save a convicted murder, kill a baby instead!" |
Democrat's Creed |
StarCraftSector |
|
"When you want something real bad and you close your eyes and ask for it, God's the guy who ignores you." |
McCord, "The Island" |
StarCraftSector |
|
"Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you realize you have only been screwing yourself." |
Anonymous |
sting_raya |
|
"I was born at a very young age." |
Stinky |
Stinky |
|
"Live for pleasure. Die fighting." |
Anonymous |
Subjukator |
|
"Let this be a lesson to you all, kids never learn!" |
Chief Wiggum |
SyKoHyDrA |
|
"If you are completely secure in your own beliefs, you need not argue them with others." |
Anonymous |
synd][cate |
|
"Attack when you're weak; defend when you're strong." |
Nairb |
The Avenger |
|
"Kitty goes moo." |
Ken Gill |
The Avenger |
|
"If you can't amaze people with your intelligence then confuse them with your bull shit." |
Nairb |
The Avenger |
|
"I'm not poor.... I'm just Canadian." |
Nairb |
The Avenger |
|
"The more a man has, the more a man can lose." |
Anonymous |
the-extreme |
|
"If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly." |
Ashleigh Brilliant |
the-extreme |
|
"The best way out of a difficulty is through it." |
Anonymous |
the-extreme |
|
"The misfortune of the wise is better than the prosperity of the fool." |
Euripides |
the-extreme |
|
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." |
Truman |
the-extreme |
|
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t." |
Erica Jong |
the-extreme |
|
"No one ever injured their eyesight from looking on the bright side of things." |
Anonymous |
the-extreme |
|
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." |
Bob Hope |
the-extreme |
|
"There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement." |
E.B. White |
the-extreme |
|
"Compared to all the knowledge in the world, we know nothing." |
Mary Elizabeth |
the-extreme |
|
"I may not win, but I will not lose." |
the-extreme |
the-extreme |
|
"One by one the lawn gnomes keep stealing my sanity." |
the-extreme |
the-extreme |
|
"Strangers have the best candy." |
the-extreme |
the-extreme |
|
"Statistics show that if your parents didn't have kids, you probably won't either." |
Anonymous |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Having your head cut off can seriously impair vision...." |
X_TiaMaT_X |
The_Dead_One |
|
"My goal becomes clear then. The broccoli must die." |
Stewie Griffen |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Old people are valuble. They've got silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, lead in their feet, stones in their kidneys, gas in their stomachs, and they get pensions." |
Johnny |
The_Dead_One |
|
"If it weren't for that thing in my pants, I'd be queen!" |
The_Dead_One |
The_Dead_One |
|
"And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with." |
Rodney Dangerfield |
The_Dead_One |
|
"It may be you that bends as you see the spoon bend, but what happens when you see it break?" |
The_Dead_One |
The_Dead_One |
|
"You're Straight? Why, you're like a lesbian trapped inside a man's body!" |
Alex |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Money is the root of all evil. Now all we gotta do is find an Evil Tree and we'll be set!" |
The_Dead_One |
The_Dead_One |
|
"In the queer mass of human destiny, the determining factor has always been luck." |
Mr. Turner |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Statistics show that if you visit this forum, and you've given birth, you're probably just some kind of delusional psychopath." |
The_Dead_One |
The_Dead_One |
|
"You smell like updog." "What's up dog?" |
People |
The_Dead_One |
|
"7/5th of all people don't understand fractions." |
www.strangereports.com |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Communism's failure as an economic policy became absolute with the 100th anniversary of the Communist Manifesto, when bookstores sold special 100th anniversary editions of it." |
Mr. Irwin |
The_Dead_One |
|
"SCS sure has died in a lot of car crashes..." |
The_Dead_One |
The_Dead_One |
|
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why can't they just use ours? It worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore." |
Anonymous |
The_Dead_One |
|
"Why is abbreviation such a long word?" |
Anonymous |
Undead Cheese |
|
"As I lay in my bed at night, looking up at the stars, I think to myself, 'Where the fuck is my ceiling?'" |
Undead Cheese |
Undead Cheese |
|
"If Yoda is so all-knowing, construct proper sentences why can't he?" |
Undead Cheese |
Undead Cheese |
|
"You've got to have a lot of balls to play golf the way I do." |
Undead Cheese |
Undead Cheese |
|
"The worst part about Canada is that Canadians live there!" |
Anonymous |
Undead Cheese |
|
"Canadians - always trying to make their country seem signifigant." |
BuddyLee |
Undead Cheese |
|
"Show me a young conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old liberal and I'll show you someone with no brain." |
Winston Churchill (1874-1965) |
Undead Cheese |
|
"A man in a relationship should be the one who has a penis." |
Edxecutor |
Undead Cheese |
|
"I argue that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." |
Stephen Roberts |
Undead Cheese |
|
"I saw a car one day, and drove it home. Now the cops are chasing me for some reason." |
Jordan |
Unregistered |
|
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." |
Anonymous |
Unregistered |
|
"Politics is made up of two words: 'poli' which means many, and 'ticks' which is a blood sucking vermin." |
Anonymous |
Unregistered |
|
"If sex is a pain in the ass, try another position." |
Berzerker[LM] |
Unregistered |
|
"I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it." |
fusionmax28 |
Unregistered |
|
"Failure is simply a result that differs from the one you expected." |
Nisandeh Neta |
Unregistered |
|
"'You can't always get what you want' makes a great song lyric, but it's a terrible motto for life." |
Nisandeh Neta |
Unregistered |
|
"The shortest way beyond fear is through it." |
Nisandeh Neta |
Unregistered |
|
"Believing you know it all, will guarantee you learn nothing - and achieve even less." |
Nisandeh Neta |
Unregistered |
|
"If we are all gods children, what makes Jesus so special?" |
George Carlin |
VashDaStampede |
|
"It is not just a gym bag Eddy, it is a way of life." |
Ed, Edd, And Eddy (Ed) |
VashDaStampede |
|
"Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject." |
VashDaStampede |
VashDaStampede |
|
"If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counselling." |
VashDaStampede |
VashDaStampede |
|
"Men Wanted for Dangerous Expedition: Low Wages for Long Hours of Arduous Labour under Brutal Conditions" |
Ernest Shackleton |
VashDaStampede |
|
"But seriously, have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids, and hitting them?" |
Bender (Futurama) |
VashDaStampede |
|
"I disagree with what you say and I will deny, to your death, your right to say it." |
Bucky Katt (Get Fuzzy) |
VashDaStampede |
|
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." |
VashDaStampede |
VashDaStampede |
|
"If a friend imposes on you to babysit, feel free to teach the child a new religion." |
Dogbert |
VashDaStampede |
|
"If United States of America is a free country, why can't I own it?" |
WarCraftSector |
WarCraftSector |
|
"The plural of goose is sheep." |
Peter Griffin |
Wavemaster |
|
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." |
Unknown |
Wavemaster |
|
"Why do banks leave their volt open but put chains on their pens?" |
XInfernalX |
XInfernalX |
|
"If Barney is a little kids' show, why is he so scary?" |
XInfernalX |
XInfernalX |
|
"Always do what you are afraid to do." |
Ralph Waldo Emmerson |
XxStealthxX |
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"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." |
John F. Kennedy |
XxStealthxX |
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"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." |
Mark Twain |
XxStealthxX |
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"When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion." |
Voltaire |
XxStealthxX |
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"Nooooo! I can't stand helping others!" |
Homer Simpson |
your mom |
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"Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead." |
Anonymous |
Yu_Zero |
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*rolls fat guy down hill* "It's true, the best things in life are free!" |
Zealotlee |
Zealotlee |
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"In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 seconds." |
Andy Warhol |
Zealotlee |
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"War is not the answer, just to all of America's problems." |
Bart Simpson |
Zealotlee |
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"If you were a woman, I'd slug you." |
Peter Griffen |
Zealotlee |
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"I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches." |
Brick Tamland |
Zealotlee |
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"It doesn't matter if you're black or white. The only color that matters is green." |
Peter Griffin |
Zealotlee |
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"When someone calls me a dick, I tell them that I'd rather be a dick than an asshole." |
Zealotlee |
Zealotlee |
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"If a man does his best, what else is there?" |
General George S. Patton (1885-1945) |
[HyBriD]ZeaLoT |
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"If man was meant to fly, he would have been born with wings." |
Anonymous |
§ilveRaptoR |
